huh.

I have probably sat down seven different times over the past month to try to write this blog post. For some reason I just haven’t been able to finish. But now is as good a time as ever. 

Today is my last day in Stockton. Tomorrow I leave for my three week adventure at Cambridge and Oxford. I could say so much about how excited I am for that, but this post is not about that. 

It’s really hard to look back on a time like the one we’ve had this summer. So much happens every single day. For me, it’s like Hudson Taylor’s Spiritual Secret or some book like that. I can read it, and I can try to understand everything he says. But I will never know fully because I will never experience China as he did. It’s like that. I don’t think my words could adequately express my emotions or even describe the life we have lived this summer. 

Seven weeks ago, thirteen of us found ourselves in the Manchester airport after a long day of traveling. Since then we’ve seen things that most of our friends and family in the States will never see. We’ve seen centuries-old churches and abbeys, we’ve seen the North Sea, we’ve seen the beautiful English countryside. But more than anything, we’ve seen the Lord beginning to work in the lives of a few English kids, teenagers and adults. We’ve even had the chance to witness a couple of them come to know Jesus. I don’t think I will ever forget the looks on the faces of James and Jack when they are invited to join us in fellowship after a Sunday morning church service. Or the tears in their eyes when they heard the Lord call them his children. I may forget what it’s like to drive on the left side of the road. I may forget how it felt to walk through the streets of York. But I won’t forget the way the Lord orchestrated every single thing that happened here this summer. From the way our team works together to the conversations we have had with the “least of these” in Stockton. No one who knows Jesus would be able to truthfully say that they didn’t believe the Lord has had his hand on everything that has played out this summer. 

The past few months have been nothing more than a Valley for me. I have gotten discouraged. I don’t understand why it seems easier for some people. I think the biggest thing the Lord has taught me about myself this summer is that it’s not going to be the same for me as it is for the people around me. He is doing specific things in my life that will teach me better than other things would. He may keep me in this valley for longer than I think I am able to stand. But every single day I’ve got to wake up and keep climbing uphill. He isn’t going to bury me down here. I’ve realized a lot about what this part of the journey will look like. I’m walking uphill, which isn’t easy. And I may not always be able to see the peak, the mountaintop, but I know it’s there. That should be enough to keep my eyes focused on the Lord as I walk through every day. 

I think the funniest thing about life is how the Lord takes our expectations and completely flips them around. For the past three summers, I have spent my time in three completely different communities. As much as I tried to not have super defined expectations going in to it all, I did. I had a certain picture of what I thought the Lord would teach me. He just showed himself in ways I would have never expected, and every single time it caught me off guard. Perhaps it’s important to learn not to limit the Lord or think of him within out finite minds. He is so much bigger and better than we could ever think. Can't I give him a little more freedom to work in my life as he wishes?