fear.

i am not sure who are you or why you are reading this, but i am going to let you in on a little secret: i am a fearful person.

i am incredibly optimistic, but that does not mean my mind doesn't wander and lead me to sometimes fearing the days to come. recently, in my frustration and confusion with my lack of growth, i have become aware of the fears i have. i know i have a huge purpose, even beyond my imagination, but that by itself is terrifying. the thought of having to go through changes to get where i need to be is hard.

but, my thought process can't stop there. last monday night at the Fayetteville Prayer Room, i spent some time praying with a group of people i had never met before. during this time, a few of them spoke words from the Lord over me. the Lord used them to answer my questions and put my fears to rest. they saw the Lord leading me by still waters into a time of peace. but they also saw that there was something more. a deeper place for me to meet with the Lord. i needed to take a leap, dive into the waters that seem scary. it is in that moment that i will find the peace of God and will be completely overwhelmed and comforted by his presence.

there is no place in my life for fear of failure or fear of man. God is my hope and he has overcome all of that.

memory songs.

you know those songs that take you back to a certain time?

i have listened to two distinct memory-recalling songs in the past two days.

last night: Te Amo by Trevor Hall. i am not sure why, but this song somehow embodies the tone of last semester. which is interesting. maybe it's because of the autumn mood. maybe it's something else. not sure. i absolutely adore this song, though.

today: as i was studying and listening to a playlist titled "cooooool." this song came on: Turning Tables by Adele. summer. last summer, the AC girls loved to ride, windows down, blaring Adele. this was my favorite. (this isn't the version we listened to, but i wanted to provide you with an interesting video to watch... not just one with pictures and lyrics. you're welcome).

just sharing a little bit of my mind with you this morning. back to the grind.

pervasive.

"in broad terms, Islam generally regards religion as a more pervasive presence in daily life and a more important source for civil law than contemporary Christianity..."

The assigned article for my cultural anthropology class this week is "Understanding Islam" by Kenneth Jost. I started reading it today (it's long). I read this quote and literally could go no further for a couple minutes. The author of this is not, as far as I know, a Christian, and even he can see that Christians do not take as much action as Muslims (generally). The word that struck me immediately was "pervasive." I knew what it meant, but to get a better understanding, I looked up the definition:

"Spreading widely throughout an area or a group of people."

A pervasive presence of religion would suggest that, in the every day lives of followers, the religion was obvious. There are several religions that are "more focused" on God than contemporary Christianity. Buddhist monks stress the fact that every single thing they do during a day is based on what they feel they are hearing from God. Everything from what they eat to the clothes they wear to the paths they walk are based on some sort of direct revelation. What would our lives looks like if we, as Christians, took these same measures. Not becoming legalistic in having to do everything a certain way. BUT, what if we woke up and just asked the Lord, "God, what should I wear today?" He would probably enjoy that. Sure, his answer would likely be, "Thanks for asking! Wear whatever you want!" but I'm sure he would still be smiling down on us and be glad we wanted to spend time with him. We could also ask "Lord, who do you want me to pay special attention today? Who am I looking to make an impact on?" He would love that even more than us asking about our outfits.

What if every decision I made in a day was based on what I know of the Word of God and what I know of his character? Would my life look different? Oh yeah. You bet it would.

I want my relationship with Christ to have a more pervasive presence in my daily life. If it's the world that is standing in my way of this, I don't want what the world has to offer! I only want Jesus. This is a scary prayer. Who knows what the Lord thinks is unnecessary and would have no problem getting rid of. It makes me nervous. I am attached to this world in a way that is hard to undo. I am a journey to do just that. Cut my unhealthy ties to this world. So...

take this world, but give me Jesus.