busses and lamp posts.

i think i am going to finally succeed in making a habit of this whole blogging thing. 

last night i finished one (fictional) journey and began another (yet, still fictional). one ended in an abandoned bus in Alaska, and the second began in the backyard of a modest London home. during these two journeys, i have experienced American landscapes that many eyes (likely including my own) will never see and i have experienced worlds that no human will know in this lifetime, but that may be out there waiting on us.

it's amazing what words written by someone else can do for a person. through the past 400ish pages, i have learned a lot about myself. i have learned that i am capable of viewing the world in a different way than i used to. i have learned that i can appreciate the little things. i have learned that i am content to sit alone for a few hours. i have learned that what i want more than a lot of things is just to see things that few other people have seen-to have experiences in common with some but not all.

i think most of all i want to live a simpler, but somehow more profound life. and i will make it my own journey to get there.

come with me?

adventures.

lately i have seen the world through a different set of eyes than the ones i am used to. the music i hear sounds sweeter. the windows seem bigger. words on pages go deeper. the sights i see every day are prettier.

last week i sat in Fayetteville, a town i love with so much of my heart, and i watched my friends go, one-by-one, to their homes. in a time when i would have normally been lost, i let myself pick up a book. i sat in chairs and began to read the story of Chris McCandless (Into the Wild). and although i have not yet finished, i think i have been changed by it. so far two passages have stuck out to me more than the others (enough to underline in the library's copy of the book to ensure that everyone who read after me would not miss them).

"...I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love. I felt in myself a superabundance of energy which found no outlet in our quiet life." -Tolstoy

"So many people live with unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future." - Chris McCandless

i have been moved to see the excitement of a lifestyle of reckless abandonment. and not one where i graduate college, sell all my possessions to hitchhike around the country and (spoiler alert!) eventually die in the Alaskan wilderness. no, through these odd passages in this book, conversations with friends, and much prayer, my heart is being conditioned to the type of life where i can be content to live with little possessions and be willing to move whenever and wherever the Lord leads.

sure, tons of people have had this "vision," but i want to be different. i want it to catch fire and burn in my soul until the day that i die. i want to enjoy the things i have been given. to see them for what they are, but nothing more. i will enjoy the tea i drink, the music i listen to, and the books i read. but i will enjoy nothing more than the time i spend in fellowship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

so, as i have prayed so many times before, take this world. but, this time.... truly. take away my emotional and material attachment to this world. let me love people, and as i go on my way, give me Jesus.

two years ago if you had asked me to describe what i thought my fours years in college would look like...... i would have been totally wrong.

never would i have thought it would be a friday night and i would be in my bathroom, curling my hair, listening to a not-very-fitting Pandora station, getting ready for two very funny guys to pick up me and my roommate.

never would i have thought i would don all black, a foam six pack, and batman mask and go out into the world.

i never expected any of this, but i can say this: i am so glad that the Lord knows better. even in the midst of fun and seemingly petty events, he has a way of telling me that he knew. he knew all of this would happen. he knew how my life would look way better than i did. he knew the friends i needed.

HE KNEW.
and he still knows.
and he will always know.

thank You.

life calling.

i don't know mine (by the way, i am 100% content with that). all i am saying right now is that i can be certain i am not called to go into a scientific field of study.

after probably 8 or so total hours of research, i have written three sentences for my lab project. there's got to be a better way than this..........

thoughts.

today i've got a million of them. too many to tweet. so, i make the move from one form of social media to the next.

there's a lot of people on the green bus today. one who needs some deodorant and a chill pill.

i saw the sunrise today. i've got to figure out how to make that a regular thing.

watermelon bust is tomorrow. whatever.

okay.

i go through more orange juice than you will ever know.

A.W. Tozer can always say what I'm thinking much better than I can.

"O Majesty unspeakable, my soul desires to behold Thee. I cry to Thee from the dust.

Yet when I inquire after They name, it is secret. Thou art hidden in the light which no man can approach unto. What Thou art cannot be thought or uttered, for They glory is ineffable.

Still, prophet and psalmist, apostle and saint have encouraged me to believe that I may in some measure know Thee. Therefore, I pray, whatever of Thyself Thou hast been pleased to disclose, help me to search out as treasure more precious than rubies or the merchandise of fine gold: for with Thee shall I live when the stars of twilight are no more and the heavens have vanished away and only Thou remainest.

Amen."

- ch. 3, The Knowledge of the Holy