my life in weeks.

for me, life is kind of hard to think about in large periods of time. it's easier to look back on the past 11 weeks or so one at a time.

one week of finals: yeah. for all of you who are in college or have gone through college, you know. finals week is something that just can't be understood. i used a disposable camera to document mine.

one week at home: nothing really came out of this week. nothing good. nothing bad.
nine weeks in destin: KALEO. this is the kicker.
week one: a lot of nerves. a lot of new things. a lot of friends. a lot of vagueness. a lot of fruit cutting. expectations set. first caffeine in sixty-something days [hysterical]. PUBLIX. what am i going to give to Jesus? my everything?

week two: Psalm 1:3. be rooted. behind on quiet times. already. what does it mean to really know God?how is my trusting Christ evident in my every day life? beginning of the summer of matching.

week three: hanging with the guyz. always. stumo on prayer. list of expectations, need for accountability, strengths, weakness: not complete. dgroup date. 

week four: dgroup weekend. orlando. donuts. pool. tennis. flea market. complementary valet. fancy dinner. downtown. bucket list: made. application? BONSAI. 

week five: relationships conference. written out prayer. discipleship conference. Jesus uses common people, chosen people, convinced people, controlled people, and commanded people. the day i had to write in pencil: sick. Great Commission is my personal responsibility. we built a fort, made pizza, and watched baseball. the beginnings of great friendships. 

week six: silent outreach. it started to click. kaleo is hard. evangelism is hard. my human nature does NOT want to tell people about Jesus. but, the since i am a new creation, i should want that. the week of getting off work early. prayer challenge. 

week seven: missions conference. JUNE 30 is the day that should go down in history. i hit the wall. HARD. but, thank the Lord Katey was around to open my eyes and my ears to the work the Lord was trying to do in my life. the first few weeks of Kaleo, i wasn't really even trying to experience God. i wasn't being honest with myself, which meant i couldn't be honest with the Lord or anyone else. the Lord chose me, and he is worthy of my everything. he is grieved when i blatantly disobey him, which i have done so often. i am going to open the door for Jesus every single day and work to keep it open. Satan and the world want to close this door, but i can't let that happen. Hebrews 12:1-2. throw off everything that hinders. i desire to be holy as the Lord is holy. reduced to nothing but a pile of ashes so the Lord can take away all of the garbage in my life and rebuild me to look more like himself. Psalm 73:26. 

week eight: i let my fear of this world consume me. it's not about me or what anyone thinks. Acts 20:24. it all clicked. "However, I consider my life worth nothing if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." i put pressure on myself to be perfect or to act just like someone else because i see them as perfect. they're not. i can't compare my ministry or my way of life to someone else's. that is 100% prideful. i will fail at times, but that has to be okay. i'm not alone, though. people have gone before me, and people will come after me if i give them the opportunity. this is the week i quoted Hebrews 12:1-2 out loud while sprinting home. it felt incredible. very cheesy, but it seriously made the scripture so real. led Bible study. what an honor. then the Lord blessed Betsy and I with the most precious Chinese coworkers. i love them. they cooked dinner for us on our last day of work. 

week nine: journaling is hard. i have too may thoughts. i tried once to get an overview of Kaleo. didn't happen. was it the summer of my life? yes. in the ways i thought it would be? not at all. my heart was honestly not prepared. the summer came with a lot of tears, frustration, and doubt. but i can see the Lord's incredible timing and huge blessings that followed. i too often count myself out before even getting a chance. Christ's love compels. i memorized 1 Corinthians 13 a few weeks ago. i am beginning to understand what love actually is. back to campus: prayer, planning, sow, growth. sacrifices are necessary. don't let roadblocks get in my way. i must be eager to grow and eager to give my life away. Lord, use me. it's a scary prayer, but i'm praying it anyway. 

i came to kaleo looking for something, anything. i found the Lord. i found a desire to hear from him and know him better. i also found several new friends. i found people i can trust. i found a deeper relationship with someone who invested in me... someone i can now call a best friend. i found relationships with three girls i wasn't expecting. i found comfort and peace and joy. 

one week at home: pillows, shelves, shower curtains, blah, blah, blah. 

one week of work week: what the uark bowl.
one week of rush: kAPPA fO lYfE YEAA

what it's like to be home.

well, i woke up at 6:30. it's now 8:43 and i have already laid in bed for 30 minutes, talked to my mom, had a quiet time, been to walmart and chick-fil-a, and sat down to watch spongebob. will i ever be able to sleep in past 7? who knows.

when i closed my refrigerator just now, i held the freezer door, too. i'm watching saturday morning cartoons. i guess i'm going to curl my hair? i'm heading down to camp in a couple hours. i'm eating my first ever chicken minis. with honey. wow. i want a coke.

just some thoughts. this is what it is like to come home from kaleo to an empty house. it's... well, it's strange.

when many times i don't know what to pray...

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy (Ps. 63:1-3). Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions (Ps. 51:1). One thing I ask of the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and seek him in his temple (Ps. 27:4). But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness. Draw near to my soul, redeem me; ransom me because of my enemies (Ps. 69:13,18).

Create in me a pure heart, O God, a renew a steadfast spirit within me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me (Ps. 51:10,12). I demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and I take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). but just as he who called me is holy, I want to be holy in all I do, for it is written “Be holy, because I am holy” (1 Peter 1:15-16). For I have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do (1 Peter 4:3). Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and redeemer (Ps. 19:14). I will flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart (2 Tim. 2:22). The blood of Christ, who through the eternal spirit offered himself unblemished to God, will cleanse my conscience from acts that lead to death, so that I may serve the living God! (Heb. 9:14). 

Lord, you are gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Ps. 145:8). My flesh and my heart may fail, but God you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Ps. 73:26). I have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live, but Christ lives in my, and the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me (Gal. 2:20). So, I will not die, but I will live and proclaim what the Lord has done (Ps. 118:17), for I am not ashamed of the gospel (Rms. 1:16).

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--I will think about such things (Phil. 4:8). 

My delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law I meditate day and night (Ps. 1:2). May the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:7). Make my paths straight (Prov. 3:6). Father, into your hands, I commit my spirit; you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God (Ps. 31:5).

i've got probably a good 7 minutes left at the condo alone before the rest of everyone comes home from work? so what am i doing? being productive? no.

i got on facebook.
and now i'm listening to the loud music that i like.
and i'm blogging (duh).
shamelessly.

there are many times when i wish somehow the whole world could just know my thoughts. obviously there are times when i am so glad that's not a possiblity. but, right now i think it would be kind of fun. i've been finding a little bit of solace in drives, writing letters, and cooking good food. i'm trying to learn how to wake up early so that i have more time during the afternoons. today i went to the beach before the sun was even up.

this was taken standing in the same spot just facing three different ways. for fear of sounding cliche, i am seriously so thankful for this. the God who made this desires a daily relationship with me. i've got to remember that because it's so. cool. 

okay, i don't know how to wrap this up. or even what i'm trying to say. but i do know that it's almost dinner time and this girl is hungry. 

see ya. 

fist kaleo post

it's the end of week one. and what all have i done this week, you ask? well, i would love to tell you.

i have cut a LOT of fruit. yep. that's what i've done. in the produce department at Publix. but, let me ALSO tell you that i have already gotten hours of quality time with three women, Sonja, Anna, and Terri. these women are hysterical. what else is there to do all day but goof off and laugh at each other? although the early mornings aren't getting easier and my feet aren't getting any more used to nine hours of standing, i am so thrilled to have this job for the next eight weeks. it's a BLAST.

i have spent a LOT of quality time with the girls i'm living with. why? because all eight of us have the same love language: quality time. we constantly find ourselves all around the kitchen table or sitting together on the back porch. these girls are already such a blessing.

i have gotten a social overload. and i LOVE it. i love being around people. i love getting to share the experiences of Kaleo with everyone here. i know that most of us will go back to campus in the fall with an incredible vision and bond, and i'm excited because that's something i've never really had before.

finally, i've caught the TINIEST glimpse of what is to come. there is nothing i want more out of this summer than to constantly long for the Lord's comfort and presence. i know he is going to walk with me through the entirety of these nine weeks. i know he is going to reveal to me the things i am asking him to. i know it's going to be perfect. yes, at this point i am the slightest bit overwhelmed because i know there is so much that could happen this summer. the anticipation of it all it insane.

i still am nervous, but in a more excited way than i was before. i don't know how else to put it.

i'm off to work tomorrow. again. it's memorial day. aka the 2nd biggest day of the summer. bring on the parfaits and the fruit salads.

You Are Joy

i'm not gonna complain.
my lips will speak Your name.
my voice will give You praise,
give you praise.

i'm not gonna give up.
my strength, it comes from above.
Your grace is more than enough,
than enough.

-Warr Acres

warrior. dash.

this weekend, my last weekend of freshman year, i spent some precious time in KC with some great friends. this trip wasn't just a random one, though. we had a mission: Warrior Dash 2012:

i will say this: it was an absolute blast. i was not very well-trained and i'm just a terrible runner. but, we had so much fun. it was a "last-weekend-before-finals-week" hurrah. now i am tired and i have a test tomorrow. ohyeahhh.